wee.. had a double date jus now.. me wif bf & adan wif fifie.. its been awhile since we meet dem.. bf reached my house at 3plus but its still early to go out as adan is werking up till 6pm.. at 5 i got changed and we went out by 5.30 we meet adan at his werkplace and fetch fifie.. its 6plus already we went to west coast to brek our fast there.. i had mutton chop.. hehehehe... after meal we headed to geylang.. it wasnt as packed as wat i expected it to b.. maybe its bcoz its weekdays or all the minah2 and mats2 are on off duties.. hehe.. we didnt shop fer anything there besides fer foods.. we especially MUST buy deng-deng.. i was craving fer my butter prawns but there isnt any this year hurhur... i clearly remembered last year weneva me n bf wen to geylang i DIE-DIE MUST BUY the butter prawn.. and both of us wud share it at my voideck,not to ferget the stray cats there.. we shared the prawns with dem too! hehe.. bf actually doesnt/cant/dislike eating prawns but... ahaks! after i forced him to get a taste of it,he says "ehh sedaap ahh" haha.. c i can fully remember evry moment of us.. how sweet am i.. oh well,while we were window shoping theres dis guy laughing his heart out,i got curious and look at him,he wanted to buy womens legging.. wat the heck a guy want to do with legging bf notice me watching him and his remarkes was (i duno if he was joking lah) but..

"suke kau eh tgk jantan.."
"i tak macam u ok!"
"eh,eh lain lah kalau i yg ckp i tak mcm u"
"u jgn same kan i dgn u! prangai i dgn u way too different"
he's trying to say somethng but i interupted him
"no u dgr ckp i our character is jauh berbeza!"

the green text was wat i exclaimed to him,i dunno y out of a sudden i get like soo pissed off by him givin me that remarked i jus wana make it clear to him that all this while i've been faithful to him really loyal to him! only god knows... i pretend to be ok dat moment but actuali i was like errgghh! geram siak... die yg slalu prangai sehh.. i actualy hated being betrayed by the person i love most which is him... i've been forgiving him fer his evry mistake and there he goes repeating it,creating a mess in our relationship... i really really hope one day he will realised his damn mistake & never,never,never,ever,ever...... repeat it again... somehow,it jus makes me feel this "dendam" kinda feeling i dun like it.. i jus wana loved him... forever....i dunno how did i managed to get myself to pull thru,b strong and continue our almost 2years of relationship despite all those 3rd parties he involve so far.. i'am trying hard to ferget evrything and move on.. i keep thinking abt our future how wud we be like in maybe 5years time.. will we still be together,will we end up with marriage..... well bf if u are reading dis the answer is in YOU.. u jollywell noe how much dis relationshps means to me.. sometimes i can c dat u r proving to me dat u gonna change but somehow i can also c that u r actualy jus trying to make it up to me.. u've yet to changed ur number! & usualy at sahur time u will call me,wen u reached ur werkplace u will text me.. but y the sudden change? yes im paranoid! its simply bcoz u've cheated me countless of times.. u've given me the worst nightmare ever,i hope thats the last as i truly love u and wana spend the rest of my life with you......... i'm sorry if any of my words offended u in any way but i jus wana create an impact on u.. i wan u not to like any other gals,i want u to only love me..

was jus browsing thru my pics with bf n suddenly rmmber abt our past.. all those moments we use to have together.. how we knew each other.. our first date! ahhaaa!! i wun ferget dat..used to be mushy2 at timess.. yeah it was all sweet at first && i kinda miss all that.. hmm.. had a short conversation on the fone with him jus now after he sent me home.. nothing much said.. to put it in word today was kinda bored actuali..been breaking fast with his family again today,today we had mee siam & lots,lots more... tummy was full,and belly is huge!! HAHA... this reminds me of last year,where me & bf tak puase and was painting his room.. got tired and we pretend dat we had something to buy but actualy we went down to fajar to hav a ciggy and a drink.. i remmber it was bandung.. we sit by a staircase wer no one can c us.. yah i noe its uncool to some,but its even more uncool to step terror puffing ur ciggy away infront of many ppl especially our ppl... well actually i miss bf too much lahh..but we meet almost evry of his off days,but i still miss him.. maybe wat i actually miss is the time wen b4 bf serve his ns,dat was the best part of us.. the perfect part was after his bday,wer i had to chose btween 2 guys & i chose him!.. that was wen i can really feel he loved me,the wanted kind of feeling..yes i miss those.. we used to meet EVERYDAY!! clubs,movies,late meals,fetching him frm werk,riding with his mates,changi hospital,xploring.... "asal u tarik i!!" HAHA.. haiissshhh... the most precious thing he eva gave me was this bear from build-a-bear which was name WAN SHAQRIZAN.. i told him once dat if eva i had a son i wana name it wan shaqrizan.. & out of the blue he bought me this bear during his meal time while still werking at pizza hut.. how touching... mmwackss.. how i wish i cud turn back time and stop it.. =) i jus had soo much things to say abt us today....its getting exiciting hehe.. but its like difficult fer me to put it in words..i like it wen bf stops giving me trouble,i like it wen bf kud understand me.. && i like it wen bf tries to make it up to me even after i "step jual mahal" hehe.. but the most,most,most thing dat i hate is being betrayed!! i'm trying to ferget evrything but it keeps on coming.. i cant still get over it.. ok,ok stop it k.. well i jus wish bf had a lesson learnt.. well both of us had made a mistake to each other & i hope he had put a FOOLSTOP to it jus like i did.. i dun wana repeat the same mistake and end up losing each other.. i cherish evry moment we had together be it good or bad.. or be it having to walk on a muddy field,crossing by the so called "expressway" waaalaauu... anta nyawa sehh i dun even wana mention it haha.. its past sahur time n bf havent called..usually he'd called.. hmm.. nemind..

bf i love u..
i jus want things to get back to how we used to..

hmm,its been like few days since my last post.. & bf was like "u rabak sehh part kite happy u tak letak dlm blog u,part gadoh2 part burok2 sal i u letak" haha.. served u ryte dude! where else can i screamed out my feelings if its not here.. and i dunno dat he had been keeping track of my entries.. gotta change my url now.. haha... yaahh.. i'm feeling much better right now,feel abit secured.. abit only ok... i'm still frustrated over wat had hepen to us lately... takkan ku lupe..!!

• 28th august 08

it was his dad bday.. we went out to hav dinner.. a treat frm the bday boy himself.. hehe.. we had seafood at west coast.. on the way back to his haus smethng hepen... psl pompan ahh pe lagi! my conscience was very unclear and there i walk away frm him & off alone..he did apologise and have some explaination to me but then my mind was full with doubts.. i'm over it..

• 29th august 08

he came to my house to bring me out,but i refused.. and he was like making me a retard person dat needs assistant on changing my clothes.. he did the make up on me.. and yahh i feel so cacat.. as i'm still angry and moody i ask my siblings to come along.. haha.. futhermore theres no one at home..we went orchard and then to vivo.. yay,he bought me a tee frm forever21.. wee.. thankie....

• 30th august 08

he sleptover my house the nite b4,and then about 12 we went out to acompany nenek to orchard.. orchard lagiiiii..... hehe.. we had our lunch at esteller77.. and dis time i asked fer non-spicy mee goreng.. the previous time wen we went there we had this spicy nasi goreng.. & it was HELL!!! spicy.. haha.. berpeluh seh 2,2.. haha.. after dat we went home,took train,nenek drop at yishun and we headed back to bf's house..

• 31st august 08

didnt go anywhere as bf is werking and he is sulking hehe bcos i dun wana stop smoking.. the nite b4 i saw he still saving his ex's photo in his comp i got abit jealous so i got this change of mood and he notices it.. i actuali dun wana make a big fuss abt it but den he keep asking me so i spoke frankly to him.. and guess wat he did.. he deleted his frenster acc???? wat the heck was that fer................! to make sure ur msn gfs doesnt look at ur profile n see our pics isit!!

• 1st september 08

the first day of ramadhan.. wishes to all muslim readers.. yay.. ramadhan is here so it means raya is coming....weeee.. i brek fast at his house together with his parents.. we lepak awhile,watch tv and den as usual he sent me back home..

• today!

again i break fast at his house with his parents and my siblings.. today we had LONTONG..! earlier today we went to jb.. its been ages since i last went to jb with him..yes onli the 2 of us.. we bought foods fer brek fast,fill petrol,bought dvd and we went around,around,around and around to search fer apam balik haha!! irrestable sia! must buy.. but cudnt find any.. shop close larhhh.. at 5pm we reach s'pore,went to my place first fetch my siblings took a taxi to bf's house.. know wat baby akif's change his nappies thrice in 2 hours.. berak,berak and berak again... eeeewww.... goshh!! my bill overdued!! despite my frustration towards bf,i'm actuali happy with him.. behind close door he is actuali trying to make it up to me.. (hopefully) u r still not forgiven ok.. i'm still looking ferword fer the changes u promise.. u touched my heart so many times yet it still hurts..

baby i do love u.. its just dat i hate being betrayed.. evry gal does! i jus hope nothing similar to dis will hepen again.. pls treasure our love jus like u used to.. i miss u whom used to be so loving and concern towards me.. i wun ask fer more but only fer u to love me alone! yes the word is faithful.. i wan to feel wanted by u.. i jus want u.. i found this song related to us jus exactly like wat i wanna express to u.. title:fall for you artist:secondhand serenade

The best thing about tonight's that we're not fighting

Could it be that we have been this way before

I know you don't think that I am trying

I know you're wearing thin down to the core

But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you Over again

Don't make me change my mind

Or I wont live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a boy like you is impossible to find

Your impossible to find

This is not what I intended

I always swore to you i'd never fall apart

You always thought that I was stronger

I may of failed

But I have loved you from the start

Ohhhh But hold your breath

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you

Over again Don't make me change my mind

Or I wont live to see another day

I swear it's true

Because a boy like you is impossible to find

It's impossible

So breathe in so deep Breathe me in I'm yours to keep

And hold onto your words Cuz talk is cheap

And remember me tonight

When your asleep..