i duno if its right fer me 2 hav dis livejournal..i mean blogging abt dat sumone & having the public to read it.. but well i jus tend to love writing abt wats been going on in my life.. and after a few months i wud spare some my time reading it all over again.. reminscing all those precious moment i've been thru,laughing out aloud (alone,hehe) abt those silly things dat i actually cant believe i did it.. and yes i even had a diary of my own up till now,NO KIDDING! even after having this blogger thingy..its strictly confidential btw..i do express my feelings in dat humble diary.. its the 3rd diary so far eversince i was the age of 10! yes i admit,i'm a veri sensitif person even the slightest of thing wud upset me and got me carried away.. i wud get too tense out and paranoid easily.. i'm the kinda person who actualy tends to bottle up all my problems and feelings to myself not wanting to talk abt it to someone..and somehow at the end of the day i wud feel much,much better in the matter of fact that i've expressed it all either by writing or typing.. but of coz,it will be way better if i cud hav sumone beside me with me leaning my head on his or her shoulder and cried it all out.. but too sad evrytime i badly needs one der wun be any.. well actually my purpose of scribling all this is bkoz wat hepen earlier on.. i've got this minor conflict with bf..it goes like this,after he attend his class3c license,he straight away come to my house it was 2pm.. i rushed myself to get all the house chores done so as to spend the rest of the time with him thru out the aftrnoon as he needs to be home early to brek fast with his family n to study fer his test tomoro its abt fire fighter test btw,not sch.. hehe.. soon as i got it all done his fren called him up to borrowed his notes so they arranged fer a meet up.. by then it was only 5minits to 4pm.. we merely spend 2hours seeing each other & being the i cant get enuf seeing evry sight of him gf,i whispered to myself,ape sehh baru smpai da nak jln.. having nothing to do,i went to sleep..not being lazy jus dat i'ved actualli had only 3hrs of sleep.. being extremely tired i didnt realised dat bf called.. oh well actuali i noticed it but i was damn tired n i shut it to silent mode unconciously.. hehe....n so he thought dat i was sulking.. ok,ok the main thing dat cause this conflict was this imesh thingy.. i've sign up fer imesh ages ago,my only only intention was to only search fer songs...ONLY SONGS!! not that i've been searching flirting with guys thru dat.. seriously i dun even understands abt dis imesh profile or watsoever..i duun even get my profile edited.. i only had dis old pic of mine as a display pic.. theres myself,kina,y & otek in that pic.. i swear dats the only pic i have in imesh.. so,recently bf also sign up for imesh coz he thinks dis is way better then is previous site of dwnloading.. he saw my lame profile and sms me.. bf: wah lawa gambar kat imesh... i tot he was like joking2..btw dat pic was 2yrs ago wen m.o.s was having an underage party.. me:gamba zaman m.o.s dok! btw i'meeting kina.. bf:watever lah suke hati u... bf:bile i jmpe kwn jap ade gambar pompan u tau ngamok u letak pampang tak blg nak kluar sesuka hati.... i merely only asked fer his permission and yet to go out & he responded to me dat way.. me:the imesh was only 4 me to dwnload songs..that pic was 4 display only,unlike me keeping precious memories with my x,the guy in the pic is not even my guy nor my ex! bf:beh i stakat gamba tu ade pat situ i tak tgk tak bukak pon alah u buat sume btol sume boleh cube i... tadi i nak jmpe kwn stakat pass note alek blajar rest u kasi muke taik... me:mane ade.. u mane tau i pnat,fyi i slept at 10am n only woke up at 12-1 noon.. padehal dat folder of ur beloved ex's was recently uploaded,nicely kept.. bf:are u sure?then penat leh jmpe kwn mlm? oh... then sgl?part burok i 1 dunie u crite part buruk u sume ade reason busuk pon wangi... me:ape yg sgl! atleast theres sumone who can acompany me during boredom..who else cn i turn to wen we're on our rough times? atleast i dun go around with other guys! piki skit! how did we manage 2 keep dis rlationshp strong! kalau tak psl akif kite da lame berpisah lah! bf:eh u takmo nak ungkit2 ah.. ade org uat agi? ape sgl look at ur profile...u sume betol lah.. dah org nak tdo... ok.. dis part create an impact on me "part burok i 1 dunie u crite" is he like referring to my blog?i guess so lahh.. but seriously this is the only place wer i can like cried out evrything.. who else sia i cn turn to? him?? haaahh.. we barely talk sia nowadays.. i mean was heart to heart talk.. all these while we meet,we went out,lepaking at his place my place.. its kinda difficult fer us to hav the time wer me and him only us together talk changing opinion abt each other,talking abt the future..even on the phone.. we rarely spends like hours & hours talking to each other like normal couples does.. wen he reaches home he'll call me and sometimes not even 10mins he'll say b,i tdo dulu k... haisshh.. we are soo close with each other but yet our hearts are so far in a distance.. abt the ungkit2 part yes i hav to say that! i duno y i'm still spending my time with sumone who doesnt realy apreciate my sacrifies,all this while i live in fear to be with him.. fear of getting cheated again.. i still cant get over wat he had done to me.. it keep haunting me.. yes,he can say that he'll never repeat it.. but dear,words are easily spoken then done.. proved to me! but i gotta warn u,its extremely gona b dificult bkoz at this moment i jus cant put myself to trust evry sgl things u said.. i keep telling myself i deserved a better guy,but y am i still with him.. its simply becoz i love him to the fullest.. i'm trying to overcome my fear to b with u.. i'm trying to get over wat dat had been the past to start a fresh with u.. but y is our rlationshp still on the rock.. well,besides all these miserably moments i do cherished most of my times with him.. currently i cant think of a word best described u as the sweetest,loveliest bf but below are the best moment i had with u.. there are many actuali but among all these are the very unforgetable,mesmerizing moments i've had with him....the moment i involve a third party in our rlationshp.. u are still there,u r still so concern abt me,despite hating me.. the moment we sat a voideck few blocks away frm ur house sharing our tears,n u actualy cried and ask me to come back to u.. the moment i want to get a hell out of my house not knowing wer to go,waiting fer u outside ur werkplace and u went up to me having this huge bag,with a huge cupboard house and a cuddly,adorable bear in it..it touched my heartstring as i know u r not the suprise2 type of guy.. and we spent all night together,jus us.. having u hugging me and hiding ur face,singing too my ears this song title airmata dipersandinganmu and cinta 3 segi... last but not least most precious is having u at the labour ward..those were the days... how a wish i cud hav that lovely guy back to me....