Hey! it has been awhile since i blog since i actually let out my feelings here.. i hope bf is reading.. no,no,no i dun think so he will.. haiizz.. its been rough fer me lately.. evrything is jus not ryte.. i've been keeping it to myself.. i hate it wen coming to heartache.. it reali hurts.. bf is terribly hurting me emotionally.. he is not himself eversince last few mths.. i have given my fullest love to him.. i've did evrything that a gal wud do as a gf to him.. yahh to me i hav not been hurting his feelings.. i nvr did anything wrong besides that time wen i club sumwer around my bday.. n dat was of coz bcause he had not been faithful to me and i wana run away frm all those feeling that had been hurting me,those gals i've called dat he get to know.. there are alot of them,it never will end until i do sumthing.. .. once he wrote on his fb status hurt me alot... he was using vulgar to describe me at fb.. jus bcause my fon was off n i was asleep during my offday.. my fon was off bcause the nyte bfore i've change sim kad to the surflite sim kad.. n because i was too sleepy i did not change it back.. i woke up and realise it was already 2.. i think he thought dat i was njoying myself the nite bfore.. well he got it all wrong.. i realy don wana pick a fight wif him.. esp wen our wedding is like a few more weeks to go.. goshh its getting nearer i dun even noe whether its the ryte thing to do.. and so recently which is like now his fb status is saying about me not trusting him and him not trusting me.. i can do wateva i wan and he can do wateva he wan.. i'm so confused... den wats the point of us getting married he we were to go on our different way??? this is a big question mark ?? to me.. i jus dun understand his point.. sometimes his jus to eager to get married and some other time he's like lets jus go on our separate ways.. i really feel lke running away frm him.. i hav too much pressure in life.. i hab to cope with werk,with my son,with damn money and household.. i'm just too tired of all this shafiq.. please stop me frm all this suffering.. are u sure u want go on ur way n i go on my way.. if u had really love me,wants to marry and live with me and our son y dun we settle this once and fer all.. y must u act this childish way.. it will nvr come to an end.. sooner or later it will nvr be settled.. lately we have not been having heart to heart talk.. have not been settling our probs properly,he will jus tend to ignore me,ignore my msgs,my mails... why? i'm here trying to setle evrythng and he is jus ignoring me.. i find that i'm no longer important to him.. i find that he is better off with his frenss.. he got all his time with his mates but wen it comes to me he'll just keep quite.. he have nothing to talk to me anymore.. but i can see that he had most fun with his fren rather then me.. wen we go out he'll always atleast text or call his fren.. but wen he's wit his fren not even a mis cal to me.. i duno whether i stil exist in his life... bf,if u are reading i hope u'll change.. change fer me and akif.. we'll start a new life together no secrets btween us.. i do love u soo much even too much.. cume u je yg tk nmpk.. i realy hate wen the part we r in conflict n u'll jus keep quite.. but bf,if u have no feeling towards me anymore dun wan to be with me.. dun wana marry me den its fine with just dat tell it straight to my face and not to backstab me frm behind.. if u wan me to leave,i will i will nvr bother ur life.. but u hav to me dat or else i will just try to do my best to save this 3yrs rlationship of ours.. please dun make me suffer.. u have atleast about 1 month to think it over.. before the day of our soleminisation.. which is 2nd of january 2010. i need sumone to talk.. but i have no one.. and i dun wan anyone to noe my prob now.. i jus need to stop thinking abt dis.. its hurting me alot. i text him and he nvr reply.. i'm sure he is laughing his ass out with his frens.. and ignoring my msg.. i trying to sort things out wif him.. i duno y suddenly he is like piss off with me.. wen i did nothing wrong.. unlike him,last thurs only god knows wer he went.. i dun wana think it will jus hurt me more.. i think i'm going out alone tmrw.. out with akif.. just the 2 of us.. sumwer wer there isnt much pple.. sumwer i cud sit n ease my mind.. i'm breaking down.. i need sumone to hug.. i can feel that bf is totally not into me anymore.. totally doesnt want me anymore.. i will try to run away frm him.. since that is wat he wants.. i wun wan to depend on him anymore..